Mom and Dad Both Pass Away Near the End of 2024

Written on 1-3-25.

     I am sitting at the dining table up at the cabin.  B is settling in for a nap in the family room, and we both have our fires going for warmth.  We have done some decluttering in our home recently, and B found an iTunes GC for $10, so she offered it to me.  I am listening to some of the songs I bought including Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Dream Academy.  It’s from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off when they are going through the museum.  Now, it’s playing This Christmas by Donny Hathaway, and the fireplace actually is burning bright right now.  I recently fell in love with that song after hearing it on Amazon Music multiple times the past few years.

This Christmas.  This Christmas.  It’s been a..

doozy.  Mom passed away on November 29th.  Guy and I were with her, because Bev chose to go visit Tim and Erica for Thanksgiving.  It was rough, but it was…beautiful.  Just like Dad’s funeral.  They had outlived so many of their friends that the funerals were not well attended.  It was mostly family and some of our friends at both.  They were the oldest living neighbors on Benton Street before they moved, for sure.  That’s pretty cool.

B and I were driving to Albuquerque to enjoy Thanksgiving with James, Casey, and Danielle (a first for us) when Bev called.  Bloom Hospice thought Mom was beginning to transition, but Bev said she was leaving anyway.  She had visited and helped and said goodbye and “I love you” so often, she was at peace with it.  

We were past Bloomfield when we decided to turn around.  I couldn’t picture Mom being alone on Thanksgiving Day.  B and I parted ways, and I drove to the Springs.  I am so glad I did. 

When Guy texted asking if he should come, I saw Mom was really fading, so I said, “Do it.”

I was afraid he wouldn’t make it like it turned out for Dad, but he got to Legend at around 9:30 on Thanksgiving night.  Phew.  I felt bad when I asked a nurse if Guy could greet his mother.  She was loving on Mom and giving her kisses, but I wanted to ensure Mom knew Guy had made it and was able to give her a proper greeting with a hug and a kiss.  He did. 

We spent the night sleeping in Mom and Dad's recliners.  I would wake up and listen for Mom’s breathing, and once I heard it, I would go back to sleep.  Guy slept in Dad’s recliner right next to Mom.  When we woke up, we could hear her breathing change, so we sat next to her, framing her on both sides, until she breathed her last.

Bev came back early, and the three of us cleaned out the bulk their apartment in only two days.  We left only hangers and dishes mostly.  We didn’t know when we would get the opportunity again, so that is why we worked so hard.  We donated many items to the local ARC, and we spent Monday Night Football going through the sentimental stuff.  The Broncos played and won that night.  Very fitting, I think.

The month of December went by in a blur.  Mom’s visitation, funeral, and burial were planned on the same days and dates as Dad’s were in October: Thursday, the 19th, Friday, the 20th, and Saturday, the 21st.  When your parents die, you are carried away in a torrent.  You can make some decisions like...I’ll take the bolo ties or use this reading, but you really lose all control.  There is no stopping.  Things are set in motion, and you just float along.

Yet, you feel peace.  With Dad, I had feelings of gratitude.  With Mom, I felt this was the natural way of things.  Parents should die before their children do, and we were blessed to have it be this way.

Once again, some weird things happened to give me even more peaceful feelings.  For Dad, it was the readings he had picked for his funeral matching the Daily Bread verse on my app.  Then I got to hear the song My Guy play on the way home over Wolf Creek.  No other song would make me think of my dad like that song.

With Mom, I thought I would lose it when I heard My Girl play randomly.  The night before I heard it, I had gone through photos to send to Guy for the slideshow at the funeral reception.  Memories washed over me.  I looked around the computer room with all of the stuff I had brought back from the apartment, and I became overwhelmed.  I called Belinda back into the room and cried in her arms.  

I decided to watch It’s a Wonderful Life (one of our Christmas traditions now) with her after dinner to open the flood gates some more.  It worked.  When someone sees a movie with a different perception or from a different stage in life, it’s profound. 

Then after B had gone to work, I was watching the Today Show.  Their special guests that morning were The Temptations.  They sang the song My Girl, of course.  One of the original band members still sings with them, and his age is…83, the same age Mom was when she died.  I balled and balled quietly in bed.  Choking out the words to the song every once in a while.

As Belinda and I were driving home after the burial, it came on again right as we started to go over Wolf Creek.  Wow!  Really?!  We both cried.  I considered stopping, too.  It was that bad.