I wrote this next excerpt when I was 35. Yesterday, I turned 50! Wow! Time really does fly...like a golf ball heading toward a ditch. Or, like my young daughter flying out of a golf cart.
Written on 1-27-02.
Written on 1-27-02.
I played golf with James and Danielle yesterday. The weather was extremely nice for this time of year, fifty degrees and very warm. I played worse than when I played against Eric two times ago. When I played with Eric, I played a great front nine, shooting a 44, but on the back nine, to quote from the movie Galaxy Quest, I “exploded”. I ended up losing to Eric by two strokes, my 96 to his 94. Next time I played him, though, I won. We only played nine holes, but I got him that time. He called me tonight to ask if I had gotten the Pinon Hills newsletter yet. I hadn’t, but he said starting on Feb. 23rd, they are starting two-man monthly scramble tournaments. To say the least, I am excited! We were just looking for something like that, and it’s close, and they are once a month. Now that we officially have handicaps, we can start to play and compete.
Playing with James and Danielle yesterday was bittersweet. I enjoyed the nice weather and the chance to spend four hours with my two children. I think my expectations were too high as far as the golf was concerned, however. I played terribly. Some of the “lowlights” were hitting into the ditch twice, topping the ball, and losing three balls. Very frustrating. The biggest catastrophe that day was when Danielle fell out of the cart when we were leaving the sixteenth tee box! James kind of moved/pushed her over, but he moved her right out of the cart! Luckily, I had not yet reached full speed. I remember seeing her head bouncing off of the grass. Somehow she had turned around while falling and had landed on her back. I stopped the cart and got out to pick her up just about as quickly as she had just fallen out. She was crying, but okay...
Thank goodness! She just had a minor scrape on her back. Her fall had suddenly and rightfully put my miserable round right into perspective. After just hitting my drive into the ditch, and hitting my second ball to a place I don’t even know where it went, Danielle falling out of the cart made me realize what is truly important in life. Not that I really needed to be reminded. We left the golf course right away, and I didn’t even try to finish the round.
Looking back today, I don’t understand why I was getting so frustrated. Maybe it was because I had stayed up so late the night before watching the Pearl Harbor DVD with Amanda and Eric after our usual birthday dinner? We stayed up until 1:00 AM or so. Whatever it was, I didn’t like the feeling. I was thinking terrible thoughts on the golf course, real stinkin’ thinkin’. Who am I to think that I could ever play on the Senior PGA Tour? Did you just see how I topped that ball? If I three-putt like this now, what’s it going to be like later? What am I doing out here? I mean I was getting down on myself, and I just don’t normally do that! Maybe it was because my mind was on the kids and how they were behaving? They were being good for the most part. They were always quiet when I asked them to be. I definitely think it is easier to only take one at a time. They were kind of feeding off each other.
Like I said, whatever the reason, I didn’t like it. Tonight B and I watched the Biography on George Lucas. One of the things I took from the show was that a central theme of his movies is that overwhelming odds are always up against the main characters. I mean it looks like there is no way things are going to turn out for the best, when suddenly it all works out! I think of Luke in the death star trench, Darth Vader looming behind him after shooting down so many other pilots who had just tried to make the same run. Then Luke loses R2-D2. Then it’s just him. He even chooses to switch off his targeting computer. The Death Star is about to annihilate the entire rebel base and the planet it is on. Then Luke pulls it off! He destroys the Death Star, a seemingly impossible task with a “one in a million” shot.
George Lucas has lived his life in a similar fashion. THX-1138, American Graffiti, and even Star Wars were incredibly difficult to make, and even more difficult to make them the way he wanted to. What really stood out to me was what he said about the “mental barriers” people put on themselves and what great things could be accomplished if only those “mental barriers” were to be removed.
I need to remember that. I need to remove my “mental barriers”. I can and I will.
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