5th Excerpt From My Golf Diary-Part 2

        I am pasting another excerpt this time, and it's a great one.  It's the famous/infamous story of the golf club in the ceiling.  I played with Eric at Civitan this past Friday, so that's a preview of a future post.  Who won this time?

Written on 9-21-02.

I’m fixing our computer right now.  I tried to upgrade from Mac OS 8.5 to 9.0.  It didn’t work.  Now, I am trying to undo what I did.  Hope it works.

I have lots to write again, but not a lot of time to write, so I will hit the highlights.  Here’s what I want to tell about.

I have never written about the day I threw a 7-iron into the ceiling!  It’s a great story that needs to be told in here.  

I got another birdie at Hidden Valley on hole #14.  I need to start a new birdie count for this year.  Already I think I am up to four or five for this year.  I need to research and find out.

The tournament at Dalton is coming up.  We played there with Chris, Greg, and Eric to practice/prepare for the tournament.  I got another birdie there on hole #6, a par four.  

My handicap has gone down!  I am now at...

16.3!  I am getting closer to my goal of 10 or lower.  Most of my mistakes, and Eric’s, are due to course management.  For example, on hole #13 at Hidden Valley, I hit a 6-iron to lay up in front of the ditch/lake, and I hit it too far.  It caused me to get a bogey instead of a par.  

Also, I need to take warm-ups and playing a little more seriously at times.  I played hole #10 at Hidden Valley terribly yesterday because I didn’t warm up at all, and I was still finishing up some cold Wendy’s French fries as I was walking along the fairway.  Not a good way to start out a round or play golf. 

Written on 10-18-02.

Hello!  I sat to type on the tenth of October, but only had time to catch up to the above entry.  Let’s see, I need to write about the “golf club in the ceiling” story.  Here it is!

I was looking into getting different irons.  I had gotten all my specifications from Mike, and I really liked the idea of aim and alignment, so I sent away for a trial club from Thomas Golf, a 7-iron.  It came on a Saturday afternoon.  Saturday afternoons are notorious around our house for Belinda taking naps in the sunshine, for the kids playing quietly or watching television, and for me tinkering with one aspect of the game of golf.  That Saturday, tinkering with a demo club was the one aspect I was working on.  It was innocent enough.  I was gently swinging the club back and forth, getting the feel for it, checking out the grip and the looks of it.  The grip was pure black and brand new, but it was not made for sweaty hands.  Yes, my hands were perspiring a lot.  I saw a small piece of cat food on the carpet.  I had no idea how it got there, but I thought it would be fun to sweep that away!  I don’t know why.  Maybe I was excited to try it out.  Belinda was peacefully resting on the couch in the warm afternoon sun, oblivious of what was about to happen to her.  I don’t know why I lined up at Belinda.  I am certain it was not a subconscious attempt to kill her.  I love my wife, of course, and would never intend to hurt her or throw a hard and heavy metal object at her head.  

At this point, I took what could be considered a full swing, and the club left my hands.  I immediately felt a sinking feeling in my gut, and I remember a voice in my head screaming, “Oh no!”  If my hands were sweaty before the club left them, they were pouring out sweat now.

The club hit the ceiling first, then it fell and clattered all around Belinda for what seemed like five minutes before finally coming to rest on the floor.  I never saw it hit Belinda, but she said it did.  She has no scars or marks to prove that, though!

I could only guess what Belinda was thinking or feeling at that moment, but I believe anger was one of her strongest feelings.  She was rudely and quickly awakened by something she despises… golf!  The golf club reminded her that we were in debt, and that I shouldn’t have even had the dumb thing because I had charged it.  Then she saw the new hole in the ceiling.  That reminded her of how our house has cracks all over, because we’ve had some minor settling problems in our new house.  I say minor because our house has not yet slid off the little hill it is on.  

At the end of the movie Titanic, the heroine realizes that her man, played by Leonardo, had saved her in every way possible. Well, I had ruined Belinda’s day in every way possible.

At this point, Belinda showed what I thought was amazing restraint.  Her husband was saying over and over, “It just slipped. I am so sorry.  Are you okay?  It just slipped.  I am so sorry.  Are you okay?”

She got up, walked past him, and went into the kitchen.  We had some small plastic chairs with bright red, green, and yellow colors.  There was one left, and it was that chair that turned out to be the innocent victim of Belinda’s wrath that day.  With one swift kick with her right leg, that poor little chair was decimated.  A small price to pay really for her husband’s stupidity.

Danielle heard the groan of the small chair dying and came out from the hallway to see what was going on.  She saw her father cowering in the living room.  Her eyes were as big and round as they could get, which is really big for Danielle’s eyes.  I told her it was okay, and it was Daddy who was in trouble, but she had better stay in her room where it was safe for a little while. 

So, that is the “golf club in the ceiling” story.  Belinda was sure that it would never get fixed, but I went immediately to Aztec Hardware, bought a wall repair kit, and fixed it that day.  I have not yet added the texture or painted it, but that way we can all still see the painful, yet humorous reminder of my idiotic day.  Now, it’s a great conversation piece.