Zen Again, Earthlink, and a New Article and Golf Are Coming Soon

I know the date for this piece is from last month, but I forgot I had written it, and I think it's an important post.  It talks about Zen (probably for the last time), and it mentions my new scooter. I apologize for the messy chronological order.

8-28-10

   I have three media going right now, and we don’t even have any internet.  I am watching P.O.V. on KNME, writing on the laptop, and listening to my iPod Touch. 

   I hate to keep writing about it, but grief is a strange and unpredictable thing.  I still miss Zen.  The show I’m watching reminded me of him again.  The lady who is narrating and who made the film I’m watching had a strange dream about her horse George.  It happened on a night when the electricity went out.

  She dreamt that the horse was talking to her.  He said, “Are you ready?  Are you filming?  I am going to fall to the left?”

   She woke immediately, went outside, and found her horse dead, lying, of course, on its left side. 

   The other day, I was riding around on my new scooter.  It has not been registered yet (a mistake made by both Trevor, its seller, and me regarding the lack of a title), but I am riding it anyway, whenever I can.  So far I’ve gotten away with it.  I enjoy riding this scooter more than Belinda’s, but that makes sense since I selfishly bought this one just for myself.  I like the silver color, the way it fits my longer body better, the styling, and the higher handlebars.  We had talked about getting a new scooter someday, one that would be bigger and just for me.  That day came sooner than we thought. 

   I turned off the iPod.  The song was distracting me more than I like. 

   So, I was riding the scooter around the neighborhood just for fun, just the new silver scooter and me, and I drove by the place where Zen was killed on my way back.  I have wondered, since he died, when I would be able to drive by that spot without thinking about it.  My answer partly coincided (in my head) with the time that the blood stains on the road will have completely disappeared.  I circled the stains trying to find them, and then I stopped to look more closely.  I saw the two that I remembered, one about twice the size of the other one.  They are harder to see now, and that made me feel better.  I had to stop and look straight down to really see them clearly.  My hope is that they will disappear right up to the point where I can barely see them anymore.  I’ll never forget Zen, but I want to forget the way he died.  The truth is I have driven by that spot, either coming or going, and I have not had that twinge or that thought about what happened.  That is good, but just like the stains that remain there, my thoughts do sometimes return to that sad day, and it makes me feel bitter, tired, and sad all over again. 

   I posted to my blog today from school.  We have no internet since I decided to upgrade on Thursday evening.  It stopped working for some reason, and that was it; I was tired of Earthlink, and it probably wasn’t Earthlink’s fault.  We are going to upgrade our speed, so we are switching to Qwest.  We have been talking about doing that for over a year now.  It should be up and running by September 1^st, or even better August 31^st.

 

   Bruce (and probably C.J.) and I are playing golf tomorrow at Hidden Valley, the first time since school has started. 

   I am going to write a new article for FCGM.  I am going to write about Hunter’s Run, one of the first golf courses I ever played.  I plan on playing there on Wednesday after my physical with Dr. Lavengood.  That’s about it from the golf side of things.  I am going to sleep.  I haven’t felt normal the past couple of days, just tired and my head has been pounding.  Maybe it’s stress.

Until next time…