Remembering Ray

Ray With My Best Friend Joe at James's HS Graduation 2012

Written on 4-29-16.

    I’m devastated.  My Uncle Ray died last weekend.  He was doing something he loved, dancing, so that’s a good thing, but…oh, what a loss for his family, for our family, for the world.  

     Ray was a ray of red-headed sunshine.  Ray was kindhearted, giving, funny, and hardworking.  He was close enough in age to be considered more like a cousin, just nine years older than me.  Instead, because of this closeness in age, he was this really cool uncle that I always looked forward to seeing and visiting.  I always felt right at home in Ray’s presence; I could be me.

     I remember Ray playing the organ at the old schoolhouse that was converted into their home in Eckley.  I can see him showing us what all the dials do, and I remember “air playing” a pretend keyboard to imitate (poorly) what he did so effortlessly.

     I remember how he designed and redesigned his bedroom, giving it a uniqueness none of the other bedrooms had.  When we would stay at Grandma’s for a week in the summer, and it was nap/quiet time, randomly getting Ray’s room was only second best to getting the big family room where the organ was.  He stretched out his living space to a large wooden spool thing that was a makeshift deck just outside his window.  

     I remember his patience and his love for...

his sister, Theresa, my aunt, who has Down’s Syndrome.  He was one of my first role models for showing how anyone who might be considered “different” should be treated.  Thank you, Ray.  

     I remember asking him to play for our wedding.  I remember the lack of any sign of hesitation.  He said he would be honored, and I also  remember him doing an outstanding job.  This is how Ray was, and it came so naturally; he was always so...giving.  

     He drew up multiple plans when we asked him to give us a few ideas for a possible addition, a new master bedroom for our house at 501 Sutton Street.  He didn’t charge us.  

     When we told him that James was interested in becoming an architect, he gave James not only his time to answer any questions, but a number of his books as well.

Written on 5-8-16.

     Last night, Belinda and I took on Mom and Dad in Sequence, and we were victorious three times in a row.  Maybe they were being kind and letting us win since we were the guests.  That was special, of course (we played to honor Ray’s love of games), but the highlight of the evening came just before that when we got a narrated version (mostly from Mom) as we watched the DVD that my cousin Jeff put together called Remembering Ray.  I was honored to speak at Ray’s funeral on Saturday, and I read a eulogy of his life story, but here it was in pictures, and it came alive in a way that was greatly improved than any way I could read it or say it with Mom speaking and reminiscing about almost every picture.

     I told two stories before I read the written part of my eulogy.  The first one was about how Ray imitated a dance move he had seen in a movie where he leapt at a chair, putting one foot on the bottom and the other up at the top, to gently step down like he was gliding off an escalator.  It took lots of practice, dangerous practice, but he was successful.  It’s an image of Ray I’ll always remember; he had a smile on his face and his arms were outstretched like he was taking flight.  

     The other story was about an incredible scene I saw outside my driver side window just outside of Fairplay when we drove up on Thursday.  Thousands of rays of sunshine filtered through the clouds, and I had an epiphany.  

     I said, “It was as if Ray’s spirit had been splintered and multiplied, and here it was shining down on us.  The three words that came to my mind were kind, warm, gentle.”

     Up until that point, I had never made the connection between Ray’s name and rays of sunshine, but from here on I will always think of Ray when I see an incredible spectacle of nature like that again.  Ray loved wordplay, so it just clicked in my brain: Ray--- rays of sunshine.  

     We are getting close to our usual rest area, Shaw Creek, so I will also stop for now.  Ray signed both of his poetry books to me with the closing, “Write on!”  So, I will continue to “write on” later.  

Until next time...